To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman.
— Letter to the editor, New-York Daily Tribune, March 10, 1873.
I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
— Quoted by Caroline Thomas Harnsberger in Mark Twain at Your Fingertips.
Suppose you were a member of Congress. And suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself.
— Quoted by Albert Bigelow Paine in Mark Twain: A Biography.
And a bonus quote, not by Twain, but regarding Congress…
Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens—and then everybody disagrees.
*A Russian observer, after visiting the House of Representatives; reported in Senator Alexander Wiley, Laughing with Congress (1947).